The Heavens are APPALLED.

God doesn't make sense to me.

None whatsoever. He is beyond, He is other... He is completely uncommon. This past weekend I spoke about how little sense God makes to me while speaking at a women's ministry event in Reno. And, ironically, He affirmed the very essence of my talk as soon as I finished speaking. I sat down and I had a moment with Lord in which I acknowledged that perhaps I am not meant to be a speaker. Perhaps I've been mistaken in believing that this was something that God had for my future. I finished speaking and was completely drained, exhausted... and to be perfectly honest, a bit baffled. I felt as though I'd completely failed. It was miserable.

But... to my surprise... God, made sense out of my seemingly senseless talk... and women were met by God during that time. =) Let's take a moment to thank the Lord for moving despite our inadequacies, shall we?

I had women approach me full of emotion and thank me for allowing the Lord to speak through me. Ha! I was amazed. God is so silly! Just when you think you've completely blown it, He arrives and says... "perfection." He takes the areas of our inability and uses them for His glory. What a brilliant twist!

So, I say again... God does not make any sense to me.

I came to seminary a few years ago hoping that within my classes and throughout my lectures, this Holy God might make a little more sense to me. I confess, God makes even less sense to me now then He did before I entered. =) Ah, the beauty.

The crazy thing about God not making sense to me... is that you know... we don't really make sense to God. See... He loves us in such a ridiculous manner that it does not make any sense to Him why we would choose something other than Him. Or... choose to reject Him altogether. In Jeremiah 2:12-13... He commands the heavens to be appalled... the angels are silenced as they whisper in shock that humanity has chosen something over Divinity in which to satisfy themselves.

Ironic, yes? That God looks down at humanity and shakes His head in wonder and amazement that we would choose to reject Him because ... well... He doesn't quite make sense to us.

I think if the Gospel made sense to us, we'd share it.
I think if the Bible made sense to us, we'd read it.
I think if God made sense to us... well, we'd never look to anything else to satisfy us.

But, He doesn't make sense... so we place our hope, faith, love in other things that we believe do. And, we miss out on experiencing the perfect loving of our souls.

And the heavens are appalled.

So, regardless of if He makes sense to you... perhaps you're simply meant to step out in faith and with obedience first... and then, the more you trust, the more you'll know Him... and then... well, maybe then Divinity might start making sense to humanity. =)

And then maybe the heavens would not have reason to sit in shock... but instead, they'd rejoice in celebration.

restitution

the idea of restitution is lost in our church today.

restitution: the act of restoring to the rightful owner something that has been taken away, lost, or surrendered.

the idea of "payback" is not something we in the church think often of. we think Jesus paid the price for sin, and we simply get to sit under His grace and that is the end of our responsibility. but, i must push further and stress the importance of seeking restitution when longing for restoration.

it is one thing to confess (which is commanded), another to ask for forgiveness (also commanded), and quite another to allow/receive healing and experience complete restoration (i believe that often comes through restitution).

we need to be people who set the record straight... who go above and beyond in trying to live at peace with all people. we need to be people who strive to bring about healing. and this is done by giving back.

it looks like working to regain trust, rebuild relationship, and restore respect. this is not done with a simple and heartfelt "i'm sorry"... it's done with an understanding of the ethical responsibility we have to set things right. of course, i believe this is done with the help of Christ, but i think we do our faith injustice when we simply demand God's grace and fail to step up to the plate.

please don't hear me taking anything away from Christ's work on the cross... it was perfect and complete in every way. but, the responsibility of the believer is to imitate our Savior... and when living in a broken relationship, the call is to breathe grace through restitution. the "i'm sorry" means a lot more with a little backbone to it.

=)

cleansing

during my first year of seminary, there was a ridiculous amount of rain that poured down on campus. it was never-ending. it just rained and rained and rained... i remember being so sick of the rain. and yet... i also remember really enjoying the moments curled up in front of the balcony windows, sipping some coffee, and studying some theology. i like being wrapped up in a blanket, thankful to be indoors... the rain made me appreciate the warmth. so, sure... i could spend a bit of time writing about the value of "storms" and the importance of "trials"... and how without the rain, there is no produce, no crop.. no fruit. but, that is not where i'm heading. =)

rain.

i long for it. in fact, currently i'd say i am desperate for it. i so crave a season of cleansing. a season of rain washing over me. and yet, the rain is not coming, the cleansing is not happening... instead, i am in a drought.

silly droughts.

and the thing about God, and the thing about droughts, and the thing about lacking rain... is that usually, it's our fault. =) like my perspective has ever so slightly been shifted back to me... my life... my issues... my desires... and i have lost sight of the One who breathes grace.

"rain come down, come and heal these sores and wash them clean, come and heal my soul. rain come quickly... come and ease this fire. rain silence me... " brie stoner

so, today.. i am praying for rain.

one above the other

this thought has been rattling around in my head, and as i sat with my good friend sammie and discussed the beauty of our Creator last night... i decided it needed to be written. the thought that has me contemplating is this, "we are to desire obedience more than we are to depend on grace." what i mean by this ... is that far too many people have forsaken a pursuit of holiness. they have given up on striving to give God everything. they have settled for this "act now, pray later" kind of mentality which gives themselves the right to do whatever they want and assume God's grace. but, what gives us the right to demand grace? if it is demanded, it ceases to be grace and it becomes something other. right?

but... if we were people that sought to be holy, that lived life in sheer obedience to His call... then we would discover a life of faith that is beyond our expectations. yet, when we depend on God's grace... we lose sight of His commands, His character... His very essence... and we lose. we lose big.

don't get me wrong... i live under grace. and i thank God that it is by grace i have been saved... but, what i am talking about is the apathetic lifestyle that so much of the church has settled in. there is this blanket of complacency... it's simply smothering the road toward holiness.

so, as sammie and i reflected on the spiritual state in the Greater Bay Area ... it dawned on us that perhaps the church is resting in assumed grace instead of suiting up and pursuing holiness.

so... are you striving after holiness today? or simply making an assumption that it's God's will to allow you to sin just so that He can prove His graciousness? hmmm... He has nothing to prove, nor should He ever have to. =)

driven.

i remember my pastor told me years ago that i needed to set goals for my life.
i remember my teachers discussing my goals for my future while i was in high school.
i remember my mom asking me what kind of goals i had set for myself regarding those infamous "when i grow up" days.
i remember never really giving anyone the same answer... just whatever they expected or i thought they wanted to hear.

and then it hit me... about two weeks ago... i've achieved all my goals.

sounds good, right? hmmm... not so much. =)

for 25 years i have been one driven individual... passionately pursuing all the things i felt i needed to, wanted to, or felt called to.

and here i sit... resting in transition... and goal-less.
what's next for me?

i have no idea... but i am content in knowing that God is fully aware of my future and has plenty of goals just waiting for me to set. =) it brings peace knowing someone else is directing my steps. without knowledge of His plan for me... i think i'd be a bit more restless.

so, i am excited to see what lies in the next few months as God prepares for me for my next season of goal setting, and goal acheiving.

i remember my dad telling me that the majority of climbing accidents happen on the descent, not on the ascent. Climbers work dilligently and in a disciplined manner to acheive their goal at the top of the mountain, but on the way back down the hill... they relax, let go... and often fall.

my prayer is that as i descend down this mountain top that i have spent years working towards... that i would not cease to be driven, nor would i lack in discipline... but that i would be all the more ready to see what God has planned for the next mountain needing to be clinbed. =)

lacking

i have found myself lacking in words. i have been unable to write... unable to really process effectively through much of what God is doing in my life. it's been a bit of an overwhelming season. returning from africa has been an adjustment, though i spent less than two weeks there. i was transformed by the experiences i had there and thus, it's changed the person i thought i was.

it's a funny thing to feel speechless. it's a shock to most of my family and friends, as i am a talker. =) however... i have found myself silenced, sobered... fairly somber.... and honestly, a bit sad recently. very lost within my thoughts, hidden behind my struggles, and quiet in my pursuit of what is next for me.

all this to say... there are seasons for all things. yet, in "season" and out of "season" we are to be ready to serve our God. may i not be so introspective, completely self-reflective, that i lose sight of being other-minded and seeking to live for something beyond myself.

i'll close with this... in proverbs 1, there is this passage of lady wisdom calling in the streets, and yet there are simple ones, scoffers, and fools who choose to reject her words. they fail to respond to the kingdom's call... and they find themselves left wanting, left longing, left searching. but to those who receive wisdom, they find peace... they find... wisdom.

so, though i am lacking in words... i am confident that God is faithful to lead me in wisdom. i'll take wisdom over words any day. =)

rise up.

there is a concept that keeps rattling around in my soul. it's this question we ask often... it's the "God, where are you?" question that we ask when things are hard, when they seem dark, and when God seems distant. it's the question that breeds doubt in us concerning our Creator... it's the question that inevitably finds it's way to the surface of our hearts when we learn of poverty, see starving children, discover atrocities around the world. and so recently..... i came before the Lord and asked Him simply... "God... where are you?" ... as so many of us do.

His repsonse, ever so gently, was this:
"Rebecca... where are you?"

Eeeek.

As believers, we're it. We're meant to be setting the captives free, binding up the broken-hearted... we're meant to be feeding the starving, clothing the naked, and offering shelter to the homeless. instead, i find myself sitting in my comfort and convincing myself that others are "called" and others will "go" and others are more "servant hearted" and so i sit. and i question.

ironically, in the midst of serving others, God reveals Himself to me and there becomes no room for questions. it's evident in the moment you're down on your knees holding a small broken child, or painting the face of a elderly man in a nursing home just to make him smile, or taking a moment to lay self down to help others ... that God is real. that He is here. that He is moving. i think i miss God everyday because i am so wrapped up in my world. ah, to fix my eyes on Jesus and see Him reveal Himself to the lonely, the outcast, the sorrowful through me.

as believers, He asks that we be like Him. that we go... that we serve... that we lay self down. i keep coming back to the idea that love that isn't sacrificial isn't love at all. that being said... in this day, as God asks me the question, "Rebecca, where are you?" ... i find myself anxious to rise up, to stand firm, hold my ground, and say... "here... i'm here, God... use me."

may our faith be visable... may people know God exists because they encounter His love for them through our lives. Christians do a lot of things wrong... and this is one thing we cannot continue to mess up in... =) we've got to get loving people right! we've got to stop preaching a message while failing to live it in our actions. the world is missing Christ because we aren't showing up.

so... here's to showing up. to living faith. to God revealing His love for the world in us.

will you serve?

encounter.

so... camp is coming. =)

i LOVE high school camp.  there is something enchanting about it.  we leave next monday and i am already getting so excited.  i am excited about the dress-up safari night, the talent show night, the late night talks with the girls in my cabin... and just the ridiculous moments of laughter i know await me.

it could also be that camp is where my life was changed 10 years ago.  

when i was fifteen, i went to jenness park and experienced "centrifuge" camp for the first time.  it was there i chose to follow Jesus for the first time.  who knew that such a decision would directly impact every moment of the rest of my life?  it was by far the most important decision i've ever made.  and i have no regrets. =)

the best part: now get to take high school students to that same place each summer.  and in less than a week, i will get to sit in the very place that God Himself first spoke to me.  so, yep... pretty excited about that.

more importantly than me... =)  i am anticipating God to speak to the students i am taking with me.  i am expecting His Divinity to breathe life into their humanity and for some of them to experience the beauty that is Christ for the first time.  this... this is ministry... and this is why i love it.

so... here's to camp and seeing lives changed.  here's to re-visiting the place i gave my life to Jesus.  here's to being there as students engage Holy God face-to-face and being reminded of who i was... and who i now am... due to that very same encounter.

hellenists and hebrews

i haven't had much to say. i know... it's a miracle. =) but, my mind has been so overwhelmed with thoughts of what lies ahead and of visions of africa. it's been hard to think about how to clearly communicate anything effectively at all. but... today i will attempt to being writing again.

last night i spoke with my high school students about division/unity within the church. we looked into the book of Acts and were able to spend some time discussing the early church and their issues with division.

in acts, we see two types of believers mentioned. one, the Hebrews, are believers coming from the Jewish line. they adhere to Jewish tradition, customs, language, and culture. the other, the Hellenists, are Gentiles, saved beneath the traditions and culture of the Greeks. and there is division. in fact, we read in acts 6:1 that the Hellenists are a bit upset that the church is neglecting "their widows" in the daily food distribution. well, here is where it gets interesting.

if you look at the 12 apostles... they are all Hebrew names. these 12 men... the leaders of the early church all come from one side of the fence, if you will. and the Hellenists are a bit disturbed. so... the apostles... the 12... the Hebrews... choose among them 7 men to appoint as administrators in the early church. this is done so that no one would be neglected.

but the 12 do something very intentional. the 7 they appoint are all Hellenists. not one of them is Jewish in background. reading through acts 6 you can see each name is greek. very clever. =) and also a very intentional way to bring about equality and unity within the church. they were wise in seeking to bridge the gap. i love it.

interestingly enough.... as you read further, stephen (one of the 7 Hellenists appointed as administrators), ends up before the Jewish council and ends up being stoned (acts 7). and yet, peter and john(Hebrews of course) end up before the same council and end up being freed (acts 4). the division continues.

both before the same court, both adhering to the same testimony, both proclaiming to the same witness... Jesus is Lord... one is freed, the other is stoned.

ah, can you imagine belivers in the early church? they must have seen that there was a line. if you were Hebrew, you were somehow better, more holy... chosen. if just a Gentile... well....

and here Jesus prayed so specifically, so intensely, that we would be united and unified (john 17).
that we might seek to live lives beyond oursleves and seek to honor Christ by living at peace with one another... that will be our finest hour.

during the last supper, Jesus told His disciples that the greatest commandment was for them to love one another. He was speaking to believers. He was in a room, sharing a meal with His closest friends and telling them to love one another. This is the Gospel. Oftentimes, we find it incredibly easy to love the lost... but fail at loving those within the church.

hmmm... i wonder at Jesus' repsonse to our behavior. it must be gracious.

hidden Divinity

it's one thing to look at a picture, or hear a story. you're able to connect, at least on some level, with your senses. whether it be your eyes seeing something beyond comprehension, or your hand touching something unfamiliar, or uncomfortable. however, the remarkable happens... no the Divine happens... when one is able to fully engage in something with all five of their senses. this was africa to me. my senses were on overload, if you will. i saw things i never imagined, i felt the tiny hands of a baby orphan and had the tears of a widowed woman dying of AIDS fall down my neck... i tasted the culture and enjoyed the hospitality or a beautiful people, i smelled differences in appearance and in hygene and heard the laughter of contentment, the voices of children singing, "wel-o-come to our visitors..." and i was captivated.

to be perfectly honest... i do not easily adapt. though raised in a family that traveled... i think that change is something i have grown to dislike. =) on each of my previous mission trips, i had a moment of intense culture shock in which i adampantly longed to find myself in the conforts of home. however, this was not the case in uganda. i felt safe, comfortable, and content. i loved the dirt, the chaos, the bright colors, and curious glances. i loved the dancing, the hugging, the immense joy that exuded from even the loneliest soul. i treasured the prayers, and was amazed at the talent... and was so broken to leave. though happy to be home... a piece of me truly was left in the little village of iganga and with the people of wiraika.

as i settle into reverse culture shock, i am amazed that it was all real. it already appears as a snapshot in my mind. i write this to say that this mission trip is not over. i cannot stay silent about the things i have seen, what i have heard, the strange things i smelled, the tastes of africa left still in my mouth, and the touch of the widows and orphans.... and so i remind you... that religion that is pure... is to visit widows and orphans. this is the way to impact the Kingdom. to live the Gospel... to read the Bible and to actually do what it says. what hidden Divinity is found there.

you'll hear more. =) i cannot go back to who i was before this trip... as that perspective has been shattered. so gear up... i've got something to say... and i won't stop sharing. =)

draw deeply

karis. sweet karis. =)

i am constantly being reminded this week about the necessity of drawing deeply upon God's grace. it is essential to living a life in which my soul is rested. i profess with confidence that there is a vast difference between simply resting and soul resting. anyone can take a nap... and yes, a nap is sometimes exactly what one needs!!! and yet, you can take all the naps in the world and never find rest for your soul. that can only be done by sitting with the Father... =) and... drawing upon the grace He so readily offers. that in itself makes God worthy of praise.

this week, i've been speaking with my high schoolers about the ministry of reconciliation. ah, how they have struggled with the call God has given them as ministers. =) they are sweet in their pursuit of understanding and can become so frustrated at their lack of ability to fulfill some of these seemingly lofty commands. again... we must draw deeply on his grace. last night as we opened His Word... we read in 2 Corinthians 5 that God has given us this "ministry of reconciliation" and He defines it as "not counting men's sins against them." when stacy brought this passage to my attention this week, i was reminded of the insane call to live life "other," to live life "different," to live life "set apart," in effort to live the Gospel and proclaim it to the nations. and then... as i brought the same passage before my students.... well... we wrestled.

God is "other"... He is "uncommon"... and how desperately we want to know Him and so we are in this constant battle to try and conform Him to our worlds, our ways, our common molds... and He simply will never fit there. instead... He says.... come to me... and i will give you rest. He says... draw deeply upon my grace and you'll experience me. and then... as an overflow... it will become your joy to be ministers of this Gospel... of this "other-ness."

so, to my students...
you are in Christ. His grace is presently available for you to draw deeply upon. i have seen you live the Gospel in very intentional ways. now... go... and seek to be obedient to this charge in 2 corinthians. seek to become a minister of reconciliation. cling to the promise that He is with you... and as you go... choose to not count men's sins against you. oh, i know how diffifult it is! trust that i know the struggle! but... what i see in you is Him. pure and simple, you've chosen to live "other" to live "uncommon"... so may your thoughts, your actions, your attitude, and your words seek to be aligned with the way you've chosen to live your life. be people who breathe grace.

and draw deeply.
i love you. =)

anticipation

i leave for africa in six days. this is exciting. i am anticipating greatness. =) honestly... i am overwhelmed at the way this whole thing has come together. this trip has had the fingerprints of God all over it... pretty amazing stuff.

anyway, as i prepare to lead four high school students into a realm of extreme poverty and cultural diversity... i am consumed with thoughts of the unknown. this will be my first time to africa, and my only experience leading a team of students doing overseas mission work. again... i am anticipating greatness.

have you ever felt so prepared to be unprepared? i think that i will look very much like gumby on this adventure... flexible and ready to be molded. i have no idea what to expect except the unexpected. and i am very much ready to have my life transformed.

all that to say.. though this writing is not communicating much, and my thoughts are scattered and my mind is in a million places as i prepare to leave the country... i am aware of God's movement in all this and am much anticipating His work to be accomplished.

here's to doing all things for His glory, His renown, and His pleasure. =)

new mercy

i am in awe of God's mercy. i was speaking with my best friend last night about the concepts of mercy and grace. God clearly distinguishes between the two throughout His Word. this idea of grace is getting what we really don't deserve, and therefore, mercy is of course not getting what we really do deserve. as i reflected on the beauty of these things, i was reminded of the passage in Scripture that says His mercies are new each morning. how often i have clung to that hope. it is a necessary thing for me to live in reality of God's grace. without that "new mercy" each morning, i confess i'd be in a desperate state. what joy breathes in me as i stand on grace. what life is experienced by me as i sit in His mercy. what hope... =)

yay.

so... this day will begin... me sitting under grace and relishing in mercy... and all because God is good. that's it. He's a good God. longing to bring about healing and restoration... seeking to bring about right relationship with His creation.

so, to those reading this.. i say, "seek to let God's intentions be made evident in your life. His intention is to offer you mercy, to gift you with grace... so, receive that in faith... and watch and be utterly amazed at the way He sings over you, delights over you, and dances over you... all the while excercising His love for you... for God is love."

amen?

showing up.

i am sitting in a very uncertain place in my life right now. things are fairly unstable... the ground is a bit shaky... and the future is more than unknown. yet, isn't it the very essence of our faith that God alone is all we need. i have been wrestling with how to trust God in the midst of the chaos around me. i keep expecting Him to "show up" in this way or in that way... and instead i sense His silence. He is breathing deeply next to me but i cannot see how He is "showing up." so... do i stress? do i panic? do i sin? these are my options. or... i can be reminded that i chose to give my life to a God who is high above me. i have given my life to Him and my ONLY responsibility is to trust in the way He chooses to lead me. He gets to lead... i get to follow. so, as i sit unrested in this very scattered and unsure place, i have no choice but to trust in the God above who is all i need. right? sounds so simple, eh?

as i dialogued with a friend about this season of my journey, he told me about how he longed for God to make Himself known to him. so he prayed one day and asked God to show him the majesty of the skies, and that as he looked up that he'd be blinded by the power of the starlight... and to his amazement, as his gaze turned upward... not a star was in sight.

that's so God. He longs for us to trust in Him alone, to not always depend on signs and wonders or miracles and gifts. but to worship God in the unknown, to trust that He is all we need... to depend on Him as if there was nothing else we could choose to place our trust in. oh, to be in that place with the God who alone deserves such affection. may He captivate my attention for the rest of this day... and may He remind me in His GRACE that He is God... that He is good... that He is faithful... and that He always "shows up."

infinite becoming intimate

there is this amazing thing in my life that i cannot seem to let go of... it's called "control." it holds such beauty for me! =) however, this beautiful obsession is something i am learning to let go of. not necessarily because i am some incredibly gifted woman who has learned the art of "living hands open"... but, more so that God has decided in His Sovereignty to simply rip it out from under me. such a kind God we serve, eh? =) He really does love me.

as i am preparing to take a team of four high school students overseas to southern uganda in... eeek.... 13 days!... i am sensing God's ridiculous efforts at refining me. He is gracious to give me lessons on leadership. however, when the Infinite becomes Intimate... why am i so reluctant to enjoy the journey? instead... i take deep breaths, hold on tight, and grieve over the loss of MY control. i long for it, yearn for it, dream of the days when all things were in my hands... and then God awakens me to the reality that... they never were.

He alone is in control. so, what is it that keeps me from joyously surrending to His orchestration? why am i so fiercely passionate about leading, and not about yielding, following, resting? i am too driven to pursue the things under my control and less engaging in the things God longs for me to rest in. i have so many things backwards. =)

but the beauty of karis is that... though i love my backwards living, God loves me more than to let me sit under my desires. instead, He places things in my life that force me to recklessly depend on Him. in the words of good ol' joshua radin..."part of the beauty of falling in love with you, is the fear... you won't fall." so, as this day moves on... may i seek to live a life yeilded to the One who casts out fear and has only love to give. there should be no fear in falling in love with Jesus... His control is so much more beautiful than mine... therefore, trusting in it should breathe peace in my soul.

inconsideracy

there is one thing in my life that i struggle deeply to overlook. i cannot seem to have any patience or tolerance for inconsideracy. =) i am appalled at the way humanity cannot seem to look past their "moment" and see those around them having theirs. why are we so lost in ourselves that we think the world is unaffected by our sin, by our actions, by our attitudes? i am amazed at how often we are unaware of the happenings around us. anyone that has known me for even five seconds knows that this is an area of weakness of mine. i have no grace... no patience... for people who are inconsiderate. i think it is rude, un-Christlike... and honestly... it brings out anger in me. bleh. no fun. i would love to take this moment to blame this lack of forgiveness on my upbringing (passing blame is a game at which i am brilliant). i was raised in a family that prided itself on appearances. my dad was a diplomat and while living overseas, it was stressed time and time again that our family represented the United States in Denmark. we had to look prestine. therefore, we walked, talked, and acted with elegance, class, and poise... at all times. if not, the consequences would be the wrath of a father who could intimidate anyone with a mere glance. the older i got, the more embarrassed i became in going out publicly with people who were unaware of how poorly they acted. it took many close friends to help me understand that it was okay to have fun, get a lil' rowdy, and still maintain an attitude of awareness of those around you. and yet... here i sit... at 25... and i am still annoyed by people who live their lives in the realm of inconsideracy. so... now it's out... my biggest pet peeve. that's it, show's over... but, please know that this is something i am seeking to discern about myself. am i justified in my frustration? or do i need to learn to kick back, relax, and not live life with such intensity. this is my question... perhaps, in His grace, He'll reveal the answer.

"covenantal" friendships

for stacy and katie...

i am being made aware of the beauty that God intended for relationship. i think i have the best friends that God could bless me with... for me. i believe that God knows exactly who we need in our life to speak to our souls. He knows just who to make for us in order that we might experience the best possible life. now, i am sure this is coming off far more selfish than i intended for it to; however, i feel justified in this brilliant form of selfishness. =) i am in love with a Creator who knows me more than i know myself. He knows the deepest needs in me... and He has provided the perfect friends to meet them. what grace! i am amazed at the treasure that God has given me in my friends. there is committment, devotion, complete safety, trust... and a sense of responsibility that rests upon our friendship. i am overwhelmed at how good these people are. i am amazed at their passionate pursuit of God and am honored He would allow me to live my life alongside of theirs. i am humbled at their gifts, their perspectives, and the incredible wisdom they exude. such beauty lies in them... and i feel closer to God as i draw closer to them. or... perhaps it is the other way around? ha! truly, I am a blessed woman. as i reflect on my friendship with two particular women, i cannot doubt that God's hand has been upon us since the beginning. katie and stacy are women dave edwards would refer to as "covanental friends." they are friends that are God-ordained in my life ... they are women who i am loyal to, who i care deeply for, and who i can only pray grace upon. they are friends that are simply gifts. that's it. just gifts. to me, from God... out of His ridiculous grace and unbelievable mercy. and who doesn't like gifts? especially ones from Jesus to me? =)

stacy and katie... i love you. thank you for being the perfect friends in a broken and imperfect world.

worship in the waiting...

today i am sitting in the waiting room. it's that place where God sits you down and asks you if you're ready for what He has for you. it's that place where you're unsure of what lies ahead; however... you are being asked to worship Him while in the waiting room. ah, the beauty of relationship with One who knows all things. so, here i sit this morning... waiting on the unknown. being asked to place my trust in the One who is patient beyond my understanding. One who is used to waiting on His children to figure it out, waiting on humanity to accept relationship with divinity. One who is the holder of the keys that unlock the waiting room. there is so much to learn in the waiting room... so much time to think, to make decisions, to increase in faith. truly... it's a beautiful place. and i am actually excited He has me sitting here right now. the waiting room has not always been my favorite destination on my journey of faith. however, i anticipate greatness to come from this season of waiting... waiting on so many things to begin to come into focus. so here's to today... choosing to worship in the waiting and allow the Beautiful One to breathe patience in my being. it will be by His grace, of course, that these things come to pass... this patience i long to so impress upon my character... only by His grace will it be so.

reckless rest

i am amazed at my constant ability to refuse God's grace. it's as though i am unable to receive it because of my lack of understanding concerning it. this morning, i didn't go to church. i decided to take God up on His commandment of "rest" and i did indeed do just that. and what a perfect day of rest it has been. the irony is that this one day of rest is something God longs for me to experience weekly. this isn't a vacation kind of rest or a holiday sort of rest...it's God's design for necessary rest. and, today, i was able to be obedient in this command. it's as though God speaks softly to me and says, "rebecca, i have 'best possible life' for you, and in order for you to experience it, rest must occur... weekly." and my response is, 'great, God... once a year i will choose to experience this "best possible life" in regards to this parameter you've established." and without fail, when i choose God's best possible life for me... i experience rest. thus, i experience life. perhaps this day of sabbath rest has taught me that maybe God understands things better than i do? perhaps really 'living' meshed with really 'resting' allows for the tension of reality to subside, and the beauty of divinity to rise. i just might begin to recklesssly abandon myself to rest. it might just lead me to life.

"hands open"

i have been thinking about this concept of living "hands open"... in the sense that God can and will do as He desires in my life. so, how much different would my responses to His leading be, if my attitude was that of living a life "hands open"? it's a tricky thing to stand before a sovereign God and sneakily attempt to rebel. it has not worked out so much for me in the past. but, i think i have sought rebellion because my life has been "closed" to His guiding. see... i think i might actually know "better" than sovereign God. silly lil' rebecca. but then i am reminded that God tells us to approach that throne room of "grace"... sweet karis. there is such beauty in God sitting in that particular throne room with such a desperately needed title. i can imagine it in my head. a row of doors... each one leading to a different throne room.. and as God Himself walks down the hallway, deciding upon which one bests suits His purposes... He smiles as He looks upon the throne of grace. He walks past the throne of judgment, the throne of wrath, the throne of punishment... these serve their purposes, but these will not be the thrones His children approach Him on... only the throne of grace will suffice. and so He sits. and He waits. and as i approach the throne of grace, i am able to do so in confidence, because He has chosen that throne to sit upon. amazing karis. it is this God, on this throne, that i can trust in living "hands open"... and so today... i choose to live a life yielded completely to Him. let's see how i do tomorrow. =)