driven.

i remember my pastor told me years ago that i needed to set goals for my life.
i remember my teachers discussing my goals for my future while i was in high school.
i remember my mom asking me what kind of goals i had set for myself regarding those infamous "when i grow up" days.
i remember never really giving anyone the same answer... just whatever they expected or i thought they wanted to hear.

and then it hit me... about two weeks ago... i've achieved all my goals.

sounds good, right? hmmm... not so much. =)

for 25 years i have been one driven individual... passionately pursuing all the things i felt i needed to, wanted to, or felt called to.

and here i sit... resting in transition... and goal-less.
what's next for me?

i have no idea... but i am content in knowing that God is fully aware of my future and has plenty of goals just waiting for me to set. =) it brings peace knowing someone else is directing my steps. without knowledge of His plan for me... i think i'd be a bit more restless.

so, i am excited to see what lies in the next few months as God prepares for me for my next season of goal setting, and goal acheiving.

i remember my dad telling me that the majority of climbing accidents happen on the descent, not on the ascent. Climbers work dilligently and in a disciplined manner to acheive their goal at the top of the mountain, but on the way back down the hill... they relax, let go... and often fall.

my prayer is that as i descend down this mountain top that i have spent years working towards... that i would not cease to be driven, nor would i lack in discipline... but that i would be all the more ready to see what God has planned for the next mountain needing to be clinbed. =)

lacking

i have found myself lacking in words. i have been unable to write... unable to really process effectively through much of what God is doing in my life. it's been a bit of an overwhelming season. returning from africa has been an adjustment, though i spent less than two weeks there. i was transformed by the experiences i had there and thus, it's changed the person i thought i was.

it's a funny thing to feel speechless. it's a shock to most of my family and friends, as i am a talker. =) however... i have found myself silenced, sobered... fairly somber.... and honestly, a bit sad recently. very lost within my thoughts, hidden behind my struggles, and quiet in my pursuit of what is next for me.

all this to say... there are seasons for all things. yet, in "season" and out of "season" we are to be ready to serve our God. may i not be so introspective, completely self-reflective, that i lose sight of being other-minded and seeking to live for something beyond myself.

i'll close with this... in proverbs 1, there is this passage of lady wisdom calling in the streets, and yet there are simple ones, scoffers, and fools who choose to reject her words. they fail to respond to the kingdom's call... and they find themselves left wanting, left longing, left searching. but to those who receive wisdom, they find peace... they find... wisdom.

so, though i am lacking in words... i am confident that God is faithful to lead me in wisdom. i'll take wisdom over words any day. =)