cleansing

during my first year of seminary, there was a ridiculous amount of rain that poured down on campus. it was never-ending. it just rained and rained and rained... i remember being so sick of the rain. and yet... i also remember really enjoying the moments curled up in front of the balcony windows, sipping some coffee, and studying some theology. i like being wrapped up in a blanket, thankful to be indoors... the rain made me appreciate the warmth. so, sure... i could spend a bit of time writing about the value of "storms" and the importance of "trials"... and how without the rain, there is no produce, no crop.. no fruit. but, that is not where i'm heading. =)

rain.

i long for it. in fact, currently i'd say i am desperate for it. i so crave a season of cleansing. a season of rain washing over me. and yet, the rain is not coming, the cleansing is not happening... instead, i am in a drought.

silly droughts.

and the thing about God, and the thing about droughts, and the thing about lacking rain... is that usually, it's our fault. =) like my perspective has ever so slightly been shifted back to me... my life... my issues... my desires... and i have lost sight of the One who breathes grace.

"rain come down, come and heal these sores and wash them clean, come and heal my soul. rain come quickly... come and ease this fire. rain silence me... " brie stoner

so, today.. i am praying for rain.

one above the other

this thought has been rattling around in my head, and as i sat with my good friend sammie and discussed the beauty of our Creator last night... i decided it needed to be written. the thought that has me contemplating is this, "we are to desire obedience more than we are to depend on grace." what i mean by this ... is that far too many people have forsaken a pursuit of holiness. they have given up on striving to give God everything. they have settled for this "act now, pray later" kind of mentality which gives themselves the right to do whatever they want and assume God's grace. but, what gives us the right to demand grace? if it is demanded, it ceases to be grace and it becomes something other. right?

but... if we were people that sought to be holy, that lived life in sheer obedience to His call... then we would discover a life of faith that is beyond our expectations. yet, when we depend on God's grace... we lose sight of His commands, His character... His very essence... and we lose. we lose big.

don't get me wrong... i live under grace. and i thank God that it is by grace i have been saved... but, what i am talking about is the apathetic lifestyle that so much of the church has settled in. there is this blanket of complacency... it's simply smothering the road toward holiness.

so, as sammie and i reflected on the spiritual state in the Greater Bay Area ... it dawned on us that perhaps the church is resting in assumed grace instead of suiting up and pursuing holiness.

so... are you striving after holiness today? or simply making an assumption that it's God's will to allow you to sin just so that He can prove His graciousness? hmmm... He has nothing to prove, nor should He ever have to. =)

driven.

i remember my pastor told me years ago that i needed to set goals for my life.
i remember my teachers discussing my goals for my future while i was in high school.
i remember my mom asking me what kind of goals i had set for myself regarding those infamous "when i grow up" days.
i remember never really giving anyone the same answer... just whatever they expected or i thought they wanted to hear.

and then it hit me... about two weeks ago... i've achieved all my goals.

sounds good, right? hmmm... not so much. =)

for 25 years i have been one driven individual... passionately pursuing all the things i felt i needed to, wanted to, or felt called to.

and here i sit... resting in transition... and goal-less.
what's next for me?

i have no idea... but i am content in knowing that God is fully aware of my future and has plenty of goals just waiting for me to set. =) it brings peace knowing someone else is directing my steps. without knowledge of His plan for me... i think i'd be a bit more restless.

so, i am excited to see what lies in the next few months as God prepares for me for my next season of goal setting, and goal acheiving.

i remember my dad telling me that the majority of climbing accidents happen on the descent, not on the ascent. Climbers work dilligently and in a disciplined manner to acheive their goal at the top of the mountain, but on the way back down the hill... they relax, let go... and often fall.

my prayer is that as i descend down this mountain top that i have spent years working towards... that i would not cease to be driven, nor would i lack in discipline... but that i would be all the more ready to see what God has planned for the next mountain needing to be clinbed. =)

lacking

i have found myself lacking in words. i have been unable to write... unable to really process effectively through much of what God is doing in my life. it's been a bit of an overwhelming season. returning from africa has been an adjustment, though i spent less than two weeks there. i was transformed by the experiences i had there and thus, it's changed the person i thought i was.

it's a funny thing to feel speechless. it's a shock to most of my family and friends, as i am a talker. =) however... i have found myself silenced, sobered... fairly somber.... and honestly, a bit sad recently. very lost within my thoughts, hidden behind my struggles, and quiet in my pursuit of what is next for me.

all this to say... there are seasons for all things. yet, in "season" and out of "season" we are to be ready to serve our God. may i not be so introspective, completely self-reflective, that i lose sight of being other-minded and seeking to live for something beyond myself.

i'll close with this... in proverbs 1, there is this passage of lady wisdom calling in the streets, and yet there are simple ones, scoffers, and fools who choose to reject her words. they fail to respond to the kingdom's call... and they find themselves left wanting, left longing, left searching. but to those who receive wisdom, they find peace... they find... wisdom.

so, though i am lacking in words... i am confident that God is faithful to lead me in wisdom. i'll take wisdom over words any day. =)

rise up.

there is a concept that keeps rattling around in my soul. it's this question we ask often... it's the "God, where are you?" question that we ask when things are hard, when they seem dark, and when God seems distant. it's the question that breeds doubt in us concerning our Creator... it's the question that inevitably finds it's way to the surface of our hearts when we learn of poverty, see starving children, discover atrocities around the world. and so recently..... i came before the Lord and asked Him simply... "God... where are you?" ... as so many of us do.

His repsonse, ever so gently, was this:
"Rebecca... where are you?"

Eeeek.

As believers, we're it. We're meant to be setting the captives free, binding up the broken-hearted... we're meant to be feeding the starving, clothing the naked, and offering shelter to the homeless. instead, i find myself sitting in my comfort and convincing myself that others are "called" and others will "go" and others are more "servant hearted" and so i sit. and i question.

ironically, in the midst of serving others, God reveals Himself to me and there becomes no room for questions. it's evident in the moment you're down on your knees holding a small broken child, or painting the face of a elderly man in a nursing home just to make him smile, or taking a moment to lay self down to help others ... that God is real. that He is here. that He is moving. i think i miss God everyday because i am so wrapped up in my world. ah, to fix my eyes on Jesus and see Him reveal Himself to the lonely, the outcast, the sorrowful through me.

as believers, He asks that we be like Him. that we go... that we serve... that we lay self down. i keep coming back to the idea that love that isn't sacrificial isn't love at all. that being said... in this day, as God asks me the question, "Rebecca, where are you?" ... i find myself anxious to rise up, to stand firm, hold my ground, and say... "here... i'm here, God... use me."

may our faith be visable... may people know God exists because they encounter His love for them through our lives. Christians do a lot of things wrong... and this is one thing we cannot continue to mess up in... =) we've got to get loving people right! we've got to stop preaching a message while failing to live it in our actions. the world is missing Christ because we aren't showing up.

so... here's to showing up. to living faith. to God revealing His love for the world in us.

will you serve?

encounter.

so... camp is coming. =)

i LOVE high school camp.  there is something enchanting about it.  we leave next monday and i am already getting so excited.  i am excited about the dress-up safari night, the talent show night, the late night talks with the girls in my cabin... and just the ridiculous moments of laughter i know await me.

it could also be that camp is where my life was changed 10 years ago.  

when i was fifteen, i went to jenness park and experienced "centrifuge" camp for the first time.  it was there i chose to follow Jesus for the first time.  who knew that such a decision would directly impact every moment of the rest of my life?  it was by far the most important decision i've ever made.  and i have no regrets. =)

the best part: now get to take high school students to that same place each summer.  and in less than a week, i will get to sit in the very place that God Himself first spoke to me.  so, yep... pretty excited about that.

more importantly than me... =)  i am anticipating God to speak to the students i am taking with me.  i am expecting His Divinity to breathe life into their humanity and for some of them to experience the beauty that is Christ for the first time.  this... this is ministry... and this is why i love it.

so... here's to camp and seeing lives changed.  here's to re-visiting the place i gave my life to Jesus.  here's to being there as students engage Holy God face-to-face and being reminded of who i was... and who i now am... due to that very same encounter.

hellenists and hebrews

i haven't had much to say. i know... it's a miracle. =) but, my mind has been so overwhelmed with thoughts of what lies ahead and of visions of africa. it's been hard to think about how to clearly communicate anything effectively at all. but... today i will attempt to being writing again.

last night i spoke with my high school students about division/unity within the church. we looked into the book of Acts and were able to spend some time discussing the early church and their issues with division.

in acts, we see two types of believers mentioned. one, the Hebrews, are believers coming from the Jewish line. they adhere to Jewish tradition, customs, language, and culture. the other, the Hellenists, are Gentiles, saved beneath the traditions and culture of the Greeks. and there is division. in fact, we read in acts 6:1 that the Hellenists are a bit upset that the church is neglecting "their widows" in the daily food distribution. well, here is where it gets interesting.

if you look at the 12 apostles... they are all Hebrew names. these 12 men... the leaders of the early church all come from one side of the fence, if you will. and the Hellenists are a bit disturbed. so... the apostles... the 12... the Hebrews... choose among them 7 men to appoint as administrators in the early church. this is done so that no one would be neglected.

but the 12 do something very intentional. the 7 they appoint are all Hellenists. not one of them is Jewish in background. reading through acts 6 you can see each name is greek. very clever. =) and also a very intentional way to bring about equality and unity within the church. they were wise in seeking to bridge the gap. i love it.

interestingly enough.... as you read further, stephen (one of the 7 Hellenists appointed as administrators), ends up before the Jewish council and ends up being stoned (acts 7). and yet, peter and john(Hebrews of course) end up before the same council and end up being freed (acts 4). the division continues.

both before the same court, both adhering to the same testimony, both proclaiming to the same witness... Jesus is Lord... one is freed, the other is stoned.

ah, can you imagine belivers in the early church? they must have seen that there was a line. if you were Hebrew, you were somehow better, more holy... chosen. if just a Gentile... well....

and here Jesus prayed so specifically, so intensely, that we would be united and unified (john 17).
that we might seek to live lives beyond oursleves and seek to honor Christ by living at peace with one another... that will be our finest hour.

during the last supper, Jesus told His disciples that the greatest commandment was for them to love one another. He was speaking to believers. He was in a room, sharing a meal with His closest friends and telling them to love one another. This is the Gospel. Oftentimes, we find it incredibly easy to love the lost... but fail at loving those within the church.

hmmm... i wonder at Jesus' repsonse to our behavior. it must be gracious.