I’m leaving for Africa in 38 days. I am beyond excited. Indeed, ever since I left, I knew I’d go back. It’s strange that I have never felt that way before in any other country. When I spent months in Australia, I loved every minute… but when it was time to go home, I was ready. When I spent a summer in Venezuela, I cried buckets on the plane ride home, but I also didn’t feel compelled to return. In Uganda… when I was driving away towards the airport… I had a thought… I thought, ‘I’ll be back… I’ll hug these kids and I’ll dance with these women. I cannot stay silent about what I’ve seen… and I know that I must return.’
When I returned from Uganda, I joined staff with Fount of Mercy and have awaited the day when my schedule would allow me to return. Well… January 2011… here I come! It’s a different feeling this time around… less is unknown, less is unexpected… and this time I am traveling with my husband, my friends; rather than my high school students. I feel a freedom awaits me in this trip. I’m excited to travel alongside my family and friends and step into Africa with reckless abandon, expecting God to do miraculous things, yet again.
I think it will be a bit strange not to have Teddy, Jack, Kendal, and Julie beside me in Uganda. Those students made my first trip to Uganda magical. I loved their insight, their love for the children, and the way they so openly and honestly processed their journey with me. What an honor is was to serve alongside them.
I never thought I would have a “heart” for a specific people… I always thought I would go and serve and love and help… and then leave. But with the people in Uganda… it is much different for me. I cannot explain it, but I love them. I want to see them do well, succeed, rejoice… and I want to be a part of that journey.
And… the best part of this is… I get to! =)
If you’re interested in finding out about the non-profit I work for, go to www.fountofmercy.org to learn more.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Sunday, August 8, 2010
relationship
When I was learning about God and figuring out faith, I was told I was entering into a "personal relationship" with Jesus. Though, I deeply appreciate this phrase, I think it fails to truly captivate the relationship God longs for us to have with Him. I think the word "personal" holds us in bondage to thinking that we have to do it alone, on our own... figuring it all out and processing through. But, throughout Scripture, God makes it clear that this is not his intention. His focus is always on His church. He gives us gifts that work together for good... and He desires that we live life in relationship with others. I think our relationship with Him is meant to be public, to be shared, to be open. However, we're so afraid of what people will think, of how we'll be perceived that we miss out on the beauty of true friendship. We miss out on the blessing of being in a community. We ... miss ... out.
I think God has amazing plans for relationships ... I think we need to get in line with that. The bottom line is that life should be about seeking Him, figuring out where He's headed, and jump on board. He makes it clear that relationships are essential, they should be of highest priority ... so I think we should align ourselves with that. =)
At the end of the day, the thing I value the most in my life are the people that invest in it. =) And those I have the joy of pouring myself into. And when I am broken, a mess, and tears are leaking all over my face... they are the people I feel safe with. For these people, I thank God. And to Him, I am thankful that He designed us in such a way to NEED each other. Life is not meant to be lived in isolation. In fact, in Proverbs... it tells us, He who lives life in isolation is a fool... so, to avoid being foolish... I choose people. I choose to be vulnerable, open, honest, and in deep relationships with brilliant people. =)
Thanks to those who I am honored to call friends. You are my heroes and you make me who I am. Thanks for speaking truth in my life and walking through life's beautiful journeys with me.
Here's to tomorrow. =)
Friday, July 30, 2010
Reflection
Just over two years ago I graduated seminary. Recently, many people have begun asking me about that time… so I started thinking a little about the journey God took me on while I was there. I remembered I had been asked to write a “reflection” paper during my last semester of seminary about what God had taught me during my time there. So… I dug it up. It’s only an excerpt, as the paper was pages and pages… but here’s the heart of it… =) For those who have been curious.
As I spent time reflecting over the last two and a half years, I could not help but be overwhelmed by the great work God has done in and through me. This is not to say that before seminary God was not moving; however, it does speak about this specific time and what God’s intentions for it were. He has changed much of who I thought I was.
Seminary has been what St. John of the Cross would call a “dark night of the soul.” It has been a season of intense grief and unbearable silence. It has been a time of struggle and wrestling. It has been a time of pain. Yet, in Scripture we read in Ecclesiastes that there is a time for every purpose under heaven. And therefore, my seminary years have been such a time and have served a great purpose, but I am honestly relieved to see the finish line up ahead. It’s been a long race and I am anxious to see what is intended for my next season of life.
Looking through my journey, beginning with tools taken from my Foundations for Ministry class, to my journals, and then on to speaking with friends, I have been met with glaring realizations. I speak candidly when I say that I’ve been unimpressed looking back on the way I handled this time. I would venture to say I failed every test that the Lord handed to me. I was selfish, bitter, and handled each trial with a lack of both spiritual maturity and integrity. Like I said, God has done some mighty work in me.
Being identified as an ENTJ, according to the Meyers Briggs test, has very much shaped the way I viewed myself during the first year of seminary. God has sense refined and redirected this label, which has helped me immensely in understanding my ability to communicate with others. I love who God has made me to be when I am resting in His leadership. When I take the reigns and step out with confidence in the natural abilities God’s given, that is when the world crumbles. Though I am a leader, I am miserable at it on my own. Therefore, God has spent time during seminary bringing me to a place of complete surrender. This has been accomplished through painful and often humiliating circumstances. Yet, though I would not desire to change any of this journey, I would never long for anyone else to experience it.
My first year at seminary was probably the most difficult. I was amidst a broken community of believers where much sin was dictating our actions and little Spirit was involved in our conversations. Having said this, sin was in the camp and God was not pleased. However, being a merciful God, He sought to bring restoration to our fellowship despite our lack of affection for Him. Restoration came at a heavy price, though, and my first year I experienced the loss of many close friendships and was effected deeply by the poison that sin breathes. In a very real sense, I experienced how dark and ruthless sin can be. It literally can lead to death. In fact, it impacted our community in such a way that I was amazed at its far-reaching effects. It was as if a bomb exploded and shrapnel landed everywhere. People were hit by it in all different fashions and were unprepared to deal with the consequences. Through that year, above all else, God revealed to me that none of us are above anything. We all sin and without Christ there is no hope for innocence to reign. We will choose self over others every time in order to protect our own agendas. Needless to say, this experience shattered my faith and my perception of Christian community… all while on a seminary campus. This was clearly not my expectation when I began my Masters of Divinity. Who knew that seminary would lead to my biggest crisis of faith and cause me to re-think everything for which I had given my life. And yet, through it all, God intended to breathe grace upon me and bring about a redemption that was beyond my understanding of Him.
Returning to Golden Gate after that year was an act of God itself. I had been broken in such a way that I truly believed healing would never come. I was in a pit of despair and had no hope that God would rescue me, nor would He free me. Freedom was only a dream. Being one who is gifted in prophecy, it was easy for me to see God’s movement through back and white glasses. I couldn’t understand why He was pushing me to see things in grey. It was frustrating and pushed me to the point of exhaustion. I just couldn’t see past myself to allow Him to change my vision. Yet… He broke through.
Evidence for this season of doubt and depression can be found by looking at either my transcripts or inside my journals. Flipping through the pages of my journals you’ll find no ink, for the pages are blank. Being an avid writer, journaling is a passion of mine, and yet for the first two years of seminary I rarely wrote and the seldom times I did write my words are filled with questions and little substance of thought. The other evidence being my grades will allow for one to see the lack of effort I placed in one of the areas I tend to both enjoy and excel at. Truly my transcripts are unimpressive while I’ve been here at seminary. However, reflecting back on my circumstances, I am not sure I had the energy or clarity to do things any differently.
These past seven months, however, God has done much restoration in my soul. He’s breathed peace upon me and has been reviving my Spirit in some extraordinary ways. The main way He has done this has been through my ministry with high school students at a church in Vallejo. This church has supported me through my times of utter confusion and feelings of complete inadequacy. They’ve placed me as a leader of students that long after the Lord and their love has been the healing power God has used to bring me back to repentance.
This ministry has changed me more than any other aspect of my life. It has taught me to fall hard and stand up again on the foundation of Christ’s forgiveness and sanctification. The refinement I’ve gone through at this church has been healthy and not debilitating. It’s filled me with truth and not worthlessness. This church invested in my life and believed God was bigger than my shame, than my dirt. They stood by and watched Him clean me up and encouraged me in the process. And, because of their love, I am able to rest in His.
The point of this work was to spend time reflecting upon and understanding some of the ways God has changed me in these past two and a half years. I was meant to look back at see the evidence for His moving and glean …
Had to leave you hanging. =)
As I spent time reflecting over the last two and a half years, I could not help but be overwhelmed by the great work God has done in and through me. This is not to say that before seminary God was not moving; however, it does speak about this specific time and what God’s intentions for it were. He has changed much of who I thought I was.
Seminary has been what St. John of the Cross would call a “dark night of the soul.” It has been a season of intense grief and unbearable silence. It has been a time of struggle and wrestling. It has been a time of pain. Yet, in Scripture we read in Ecclesiastes that there is a time for every purpose under heaven. And therefore, my seminary years have been such a time and have served a great purpose, but I am honestly relieved to see the finish line up ahead. It’s been a long race and I am anxious to see what is intended for my next season of life.
Looking through my journey, beginning with tools taken from my Foundations for Ministry class, to my journals, and then on to speaking with friends, I have been met with glaring realizations. I speak candidly when I say that I’ve been unimpressed looking back on the way I handled this time. I would venture to say I failed every test that the Lord handed to me. I was selfish, bitter, and handled each trial with a lack of both spiritual maturity and integrity. Like I said, God has done some mighty work in me.
Being identified as an ENTJ, according to the Meyers Briggs test, has very much shaped the way I viewed myself during the first year of seminary. God has sense refined and redirected this label, which has helped me immensely in understanding my ability to communicate with others. I love who God has made me to be when I am resting in His leadership. When I take the reigns and step out with confidence in the natural abilities God’s given, that is when the world crumbles. Though I am a leader, I am miserable at it on my own. Therefore, God has spent time during seminary bringing me to a place of complete surrender. This has been accomplished through painful and often humiliating circumstances. Yet, though I would not desire to change any of this journey, I would never long for anyone else to experience it.
My first year at seminary was probably the most difficult. I was amidst a broken community of believers where much sin was dictating our actions and little Spirit was involved in our conversations. Having said this, sin was in the camp and God was not pleased. However, being a merciful God, He sought to bring restoration to our fellowship despite our lack of affection for Him. Restoration came at a heavy price, though, and my first year I experienced the loss of many close friendships and was effected deeply by the poison that sin breathes. In a very real sense, I experienced how dark and ruthless sin can be. It literally can lead to death. In fact, it impacted our community in such a way that I was amazed at its far-reaching effects. It was as if a bomb exploded and shrapnel landed everywhere. People were hit by it in all different fashions and were unprepared to deal with the consequences. Through that year, above all else, God revealed to me that none of us are above anything. We all sin and without Christ there is no hope for innocence to reign. We will choose self over others every time in order to protect our own agendas. Needless to say, this experience shattered my faith and my perception of Christian community… all while on a seminary campus. This was clearly not my expectation when I began my Masters of Divinity. Who knew that seminary would lead to my biggest crisis of faith and cause me to re-think everything for which I had given my life. And yet, through it all, God intended to breathe grace upon me and bring about a redemption that was beyond my understanding of Him.
Returning to Golden Gate after that year was an act of God itself. I had been broken in such a way that I truly believed healing would never come. I was in a pit of despair and had no hope that God would rescue me, nor would He free me. Freedom was only a dream. Being one who is gifted in prophecy, it was easy for me to see God’s movement through back and white glasses. I couldn’t understand why He was pushing me to see things in grey. It was frustrating and pushed me to the point of exhaustion. I just couldn’t see past myself to allow Him to change my vision. Yet… He broke through.
Evidence for this season of doubt and depression can be found by looking at either my transcripts or inside my journals. Flipping through the pages of my journals you’ll find no ink, for the pages are blank. Being an avid writer, journaling is a passion of mine, and yet for the first two years of seminary I rarely wrote and the seldom times I did write my words are filled with questions and little substance of thought. The other evidence being my grades will allow for one to see the lack of effort I placed in one of the areas I tend to both enjoy and excel at. Truly my transcripts are unimpressive while I’ve been here at seminary. However, reflecting back on my circumstances, I am not sure I had the energy or clarity to do things any differently.
These past seven months, however, God has done much restoration in my soul. He’s breathed peace upon me and has been reviving my Spirit in some extraordinary ways. The main way He has done this has been through my ministry with high school students at a church in Vallejo. This church has supported me through my times of utter confusion and feelings of complete inadequacy. They’ve placed me as a leader of students that long after the Lord and their love has been the healing power God has used to bring me back to repentance.
This ministry has changed me more than any other aspect of my life. It has taught me to fall hard and stand up again on the foundation of Christ’s forgiveness and sanctification. The refinement I’ve gone through at this church has been healthy and not debilitating. It’s filled me with truth and not worthlessness. This church invested in my life and believed God was bigger than my shame, than my dirt. They stood by and watched Him clean me up and encouraged me in the process. And, because of their love, I am able to rest in His.
The point of this work was to spend time reflecting upon and understanding some of the ways God has changed me in these past two and a half years. I was meant to look back at see the evidence for His moving and glean …
Had to leave you hanging. =)
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
weird
So ... it's official. I've left my Southern Baptist roots and have been attending a *gasp* "Pentecostal" church. That's right... I said it. And can I just say... I absolutely love it. I love being a part of a community of believers that "get" living the Gospel ... and do it so well. I love being a part of a people that love deeply, just because... and simply put... love God, love people. But... did I mention it's Pentecostal in theology?
So needless to say, I’ve been doing some studying. I’ve been learning about the Holy Spirit. I’ve been studying what the Scriptures have to say about this beautiful Counselor, this magnificent Teacher, this amazing Comforter. And... it makes me happy.
It’s interesting, telling people I’ve been attending this new church. Most react with, “Hmmm… yeah, I don’t do that whole speaking in tongues thing,” or “Oh, so they believe in all that Baptism of the Holy Spirit stuff?” or my personal favorite, “So do you get ‘slain in the Spirit’ there?” These things make me giggle a bit inside.
But, it has me thinking. Clearly, I’ve been “churched” in the Southern Baptist world. I am beyond comfortable there. I received my masters from a Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, therefore, I am educated in Southern Baptist doctrine. Since I was actually raised in a Catholic home, I have some of that theology rattling around in my soul, as well. But, Pentecostal? This is new territory, folks.
I’ve begun looking into the Word, seeing what it has to say about the gift of tongues, Baptism of the Holy Spirit, etc. And… it has to say quite a bit.
The point of this entry isn’t to really focus on all the things I am learning, but mainly to discuss the word “weird.” Who defines the word “weird” in relationship to the Holy Spirit? The obvious, most holy response, would be “Jesus”… He is the answer, right? But… Jesus is pretty weird. =) He spits in people’s eyes, He randomly writes in the sand, He walks on water… we see Him doing some “weird” things. In the Old Testament, we see God doing even weirder things. I’m not even going to list them (the Red Sea… what the?).
So… weirdness. Just think about it. A few friends and I have been discussing this topic of “Who defines what weird is?” And it’s been a fascinating discussion. Who is to say lying on the ground is weird? Who is to say lifting up one’s hands or clapping out of joy is weird? Who is to say speaking in tongues is weird?
Of course… I am not one to pull Scripture out of context… just hear me on this one… who determines weirdness? And if we begin to determine what weird is and what weird isn’t… doesn’t God then become confined to our definition of weird?
I have heard some say, it’s weird when people lift their hands in church… that it makes them uncomfortable… but look at Exodus 17: 11-12 -
Whenever Moses held up his hand, Israel prevailed, and whenever he lowered his hand, Amalek prevailed. But Moses’ hands grew weary, so they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it, while Aaron and Hur held up his hands, one on one side, and the other on the other side. So his hands were steady until the going down of the sun.
See… weird, right? God is seriously all about the weirdness.
I won’t continue on writing on all this madness…. But, these are the thoughts in my head these days. Perhaps I’m weird? =)
This new church I’ve been attending… I like it. A lot. There a few things that don’t jive with me, that perhaps I don’t agree with, that I feel uncomfortable with. But in the end, I’m all about surrounding myself with believers that love God, love people, and seek to be Kingdom minded in all things. So… there it is. =)
So needless to say, I’ve been doing some studying. I’ve been learning about the Holy Spirit. I’ve been studying what the Scriptures have to say about this beautiful Counselor, this magnificent Teacher, this amazing Comforter. And... it makes me happy.
It’s interesting, telling people I’ve been attending this new church. Most react with, “Hmmm… yeah, I don’t do that whole speaking in tongues thing,” or “Oh, so they believe in all that Baptism of the Holy Spirit stuff?” or my personal favorite, “So do you get ‘slain in the Spirit’ there?” These things make me giggle a bit inside.
But, it has me thinking. Clearly, I’ve been “churched” in the Southern Baptist world. I am beyond comfortable there. I received my masters from a Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, therefore, I am educated in Southern Baptist doctrine. Since I was actually raised in a Catholic home, I have some of that theology rattling around in my soul, as well. But, Pentecostal? This is new territory, folks.
I’ve begun looking into the Word, seeing what it has to say about the gift of tongues, Baptism of the Holy Spirit, etc. And… it has to say quite a bit.
The point of this entry isn’t to really focus on all the things I am learning, but mainly to discuss the word “weird.” Who defines the word “weird” in relationship to the Holy Spirit? The obvious, most holy response, would be “Jesus”… He is the answer, right? But… Jesus is pretty weird. =) He spits in people’s eyes, He randomly writes in the sand, He walks on water… we see Him doing some “weird” things. In the Old Testament, we see God doing even weirder things. I’m not even going to list them (the Red Sea… what the?).
So… weirdness. Just think about it. A few friends and I have been discussing this topic of “Who defines what weird is?” And it’s been a fascinating discussion. Who is to say lying on the ground is weird? Who is to say lifting up one’s hands or clapping out of joy is weird? Who is to say speaking in tongues is weird?
Of course… I am not one to pull Scripture out of context… just hear me on this one… who determines weirdness? And if we begin to determine what weird is and what weird isn’t… doesn’t God then become confined to our definition of weird?
I have heard some say, it’s weird when people lift their hands in church… that it makes them uncomfortable… but look at Exodus 17: 11-12 -
Whenever Moses held up his hand, Israel prevailed, and whenever he lowered his hand, Amalek prevailed. But Moses’ hands grew weary, so they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it, while Aaron and Hur held up his hands, one on one side, and the other on the other side. So his hands were steady until the going down of the sun.
See… weird, right? God is seriously all about the weirdness.
I won’t continue on writing on all this madness…. But, these are the thoughts in my head these days. Perhaps I’m weird? =)
This new church I’ve been attending… I like it. A lot. There a few things that don’t jive with me, that perhaps I don’t agree with, that I feel uncomfortable with. But in the end, I’m all about surrounding myself with believers that love God, love people, and seek to be Kingdom minded in all things. So… there it is. =)
Thursday, April 29, 2010
seasons...
seasons. i love them. absolutely.
summer: long days, late nights, sunshine, river days, pool nights, mocha frappuccinos.
fall: colors, cozy, the beckoning of the indoors, coffee dates, winding down, hot coffee and warm mochas.
winter: bundled up, ice skating, skiing, snowfall, peace, reflection, indoor game nights, movies, egg nog lattes.
spring: awakening, new beginnings, anticipation, days lengthening, iced vanilla lattes.
seasons. i love them. absolutely.
this past year... my seasons looks like this:
summer: wedding planning, getting re-settled, stressed, lonely, doubting, questioning, fearing.
fall: married, peace, settled, hopeful, thankful, blessed.
winter: cold, long, depressing, struggle, yet undoubtedly cared for.
spring: beyond hopeful. renewed. restored. refreshed. revived.
seasons. i love them. absolutely.
there is a deep beauty in the seasons of our soul. the despair. the peace. the languish. the hope. the study. the burden. the freedom. in all these seasons... He is there. He is breathing, whispering, teaching, guiding, refining, stretching, reflecting. He is faithful.
i am thankful to know the only God who is ever present, always loving, never forsaking, constantly shaping... He is the perfect lover of my soul. He gets me, hears me, comforts me, challenges me... wants only best for me. He is beautiful.
seasons. i love them. absolutely.
i am entering a new season. you know what i mean? you know that morning when you wake up, sip your coffee, and know He is turning the page. the season has ended. a new one is beginning. and you breathe, "thank you."
i made it. i persevered. i struggled, wrestled, then completely failed... and then tried again. and then i worried, doubted, questioned, and then awkwardly stumbled... and then tried again.
and the season has ended. the lesson's been learned, the journey's been taken, the storm has been weathered. and... a new day has come.
His mercies are new every morning... give thanks for this. and in season, and out of season... trust Him. He is doing a deep work, a new thing, a glorious act. and we can simply be thankful.
i am thankful this season is over. i am ready to rest in what He has done. i am thrilled to see what He has next.
seasons. i love them. absolutely.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
sabbath ...
A few weeks ago we began discussing “Sabbath” in our lil’ church. And a few weeks ago, I began attempting to practice it. To be honest, I’ve failed pretty miserably in my efforts. I mean… to put it bluntly… I’m bored. Instead of waking up and anticipating some amazing time with the Lord, I cringe at the thought of not getting to “accomplish” what I want and feel productive with my day. I’m uncaptivated. I’m unmotivated. I’m … bored.
So… this concerns me.
Why would God command His people to “keep the Sabbath” and attach a punishment as severe as death if said commandment was broken… if there wasn’t something important about this time.
I mean... what is the Sabbath?
I’m slowly learning that the Sabbath is an opportunity. It’s a time God has set aside to speak to us. To me. He says… just give me one day. Give me one day where we can meet, and I can speak, and you can listen. It’s one day meant to deepen relationship, to create understanding, to breathe peace… it’s an opportunity to rest in His love. And I’m bored.
Classic.
As I reflect on the last year, I realize it’s been one year since I left the ministry as a youth pastor. I moved, married my best friend, and started a new job. With all these new beginnings, there had to be some sad endings. It’s hard to reflect and not feel a sense of loss. I’ve lost the time to teach a handful of my favorite students. I’ve lost the closeness of friends who used to live right around the corner. I’ve lost the opportunities afforded to me while on staff at a church. And… most of all… I’ve lost the feeling of being supported by those who knew my ministry and trusted my leadership.
But… I’ve gained as well. I’ve gained the love of a husband, the opportunity to reunite with old friends, the comfort of a familiar city, and the joy of new beginnings. I’ve gained time… to figure out who the Lord is calling me to be. And … I am grateful.
But Sabbath?
It’s tricky… but I think the Lord is revealing just how shallow my relationship with Him is. If I’m bored… there’s clearly a dis-connect. Hello… the Creator of the Universe is asking to hold an audience with me… and I’m checked out. Thumbs up Rebecca. So… today I am checking back in, committing to discover the beauty that lies in Sabbath, and thankful for a God gracious enough to give me time to figure Him out.
Amazing grace.
So… this concerns me.
Why would God command His people to “keep the Sabbath” and attach a punishment as severe as death if said commandment was broken… if there wasn’t something important about this time.
I mean... what is the Sabbath?
I’m slowly learning that the Sabbath is an opportunity. It’s a time God has set aside to speak to us. To me. He says… just give me one day. Give me one day where we can meet, and I can speak, and you can listen. It’s one day meant to deepen relationship, to create understanding, to breathe peace… it’s an opportunity to rest in His love. And I’m bored.
Classic.
As I reflect on the last year, I realize it’s been one year since I left the ministry as a youth pastor. I moved, married my best friend, and started a new job. With all these new beginnings, there had to be some sad endings. It’s hard to reflect and not feel a sense of loss. I’ve lost the time to teach a handful of my favorite students. I’ve lost the closeness of friends who used to live right around the corner. I’ve lost the opportunities afforded to me while on staff at a church. And… most of all… I’ve lost the feeling of being supported by those who knew my ministry and trusted my leadership.
But… I’ve gained as well. I’ve gained the love of a husband, the opportunity to reunite with old friends, the comfort of a familiar city, and the joy of new beginnings. I’ve gained time… to figure out who the Lord is calling me to be. And … I am grateful.
But Sabbath?
It’s tricky… but I think the Lord is revealing just how shallow my relationship with Him is. If I’m bored… there’s clearly a dis-connect. Hello… the Creator of the Universe is asking to hold an audience with me… and I’m checked out. Thumbs up Rebecca. So… today I am checking back in, committing to discover the beauty that lies in Sabbath, and thankful for a God gracious enough to give me time to figure Him out.
Amazing grace.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
so dirty ...
It's been a little while since I've written. Lots of life changes... and to be honest... lots of heart changes. I've moved, left a church and ministry that I love, and I've stepped into the next stage of my relationship... engagement! Though life has been swirling all around me and I've been searching for ways to adjust... it is in this season that I have heard God more clearly than ever before.
In fact... God has been speaking so clearly to me that I've wondered if I've ever really heard Him before. His voice is so.... well... intentional. It's been so meticulous and meddling. =) His voice has cut to the very core of my soul. And... it's been terrifying.
See, I've been humiliated before. I've been embarrassed. I've been ashamed and have felt guilt before. But... whew... nothing compares with being humbled by the Lord. It's downright heart-wrenching.
A few weeks ago, God began meeting me in the mornings with whispers of conviction. He began hinting to me about my "true character." He began by revealing to me how great, how awesome, how unbelievably sovereign He is... and I began to gain some perspective. At first, it was easy enough to convince myself that God was simply teaching me some small lesson in humility, or perhaps trying to remind me of His ultimate control of my life. But, He began to speak louder, more clearly... and I began to crouch down a little lower to the ground. I had officially been knocked off my pedestal. Who knew I was on one? Geesh. Apparently the Lord. =)
I started to feel the mud around me... I felt the dirt around me... and felt a little trapped in my sin. I felt stuck, if you will. But, as I said before... His voice was intentional. And He was intentionally placing me in my own little muddy prison... because it was there that I would hear His voice. See God knows us... He knows how to speak, when to speak, and where we need to be to hear Him. He knows I am a prideful, stubborn, strong-willed kid... and so He stuck me in my own mud and made me sit. And DO NOTHING.
Agh! I felt miserable! God was showing me that I couldn't get out of this lil' mud pile on my own. I couldn't read more, pray more, fast more.... be more obedient, serve more... nothing. He forced me to sit. And I was silenced. I finally found myself, in light of my sin, my dirt, my depravity... giving up. Just sitting there. But, I admit with shame that it took me a few solid weeks of fighting, crying, becoming more and more frustrated... to finally give up.
So.... here I sit. And have been sitting. In this prison. I'm surrounded with my sin. I see it on the walls, hanging from the bars... and I am just sitting. I feel my hands and feet stuck in the mud... so dirty... but trapped there... because He wants me to do nothing. Nothing!
And ... in a very strange way... I am free. I am beginning to sense His freedom. I am aware of the depths of my sin and cannot escape it . I am in a very real need of a Savior. And... I have one. Hence, beginning to feel free... and beginning to be reminded of the Good News... the Gospel. I cannot do it on my own.
Though, don't get me wrong... I might be in prison for awhile. =) See, God knows how stubborn I really am. He wants me to stay here for just a wee bit longer... doing nothing... so that when He comes in, unlocks the cell, and steps in as redeemer, rescuer, and reviver... I will be completely aware that He has done this. He has set me free. Not me, not my service, not my ministry, not my prayers, or my motives.... but Him alone.
So I sit. Humiliated before the Lord... sad at my sin, my deception, my foolishness. Aware of His wrath, His judgment, His discipline. Awaiting His redemption, restoration, and relentless love... and though I know it's available for me now, in this moment ... the lesson continues. For it's just as hard for me to give grace as it is for me to receive it.
Amazing grace. =) How good is our Father that He loves us so much that He'll refine us? Such sweet discipline... and I am amazed at His grace on me... for I am undeserving.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
idolatry
i only have a second to write... here goes...
What an unreal concept... that Holy God, in His infinite love... is jealous for my attention. It's natural, as Matt mentioned in his sermon, for us to hear the word "jealous" and think that somehow God is longing for something that He doesn't have. It seems silly to believe God would be "wanting" for anything. But, the concept of jealousy, in God's case, is simply... He is jealous for what is RIGHTFULLY HIS. oh, that's me, by the way.
but... the tricky thing is... though i am completely God's... i choose to give myself over to other things before Him. i place other things in His rightful place... and His jealousy is aroused for me.
can you believe it? i am just a silly girl. =)
anyway, think about that.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Unreasonable.
I had a friend tell me yesterday to.. "breathe deeply" and to "take it all in"... =)
Do ever have one of those moments where you realize God has blessed you in an unreasonable fashion? That's how I am feeling these days. Blessed. I am holding my breath, wondering why I am experiencing this season of blessing... and then, the advice of a friend came and said.... "No breath holding! Breathe deeply..."
Ah, yes. So I will. I will choose this week to breathe in His grace, His goodness, His provision, His glory, His magnitude, His holiness... and I will choose to breathe out all my selfishness, my doubt, my faithlessness, my sin, my insecurities..... and I'll take only Him in.
For He alone is worthy... for He is the author of my breath. =)
Monday, December 8, 2008
The Heavens are APPALLED.
God doesn't make sense to me.
None whatsoever. He is beyond, He is other... He is completely uncommon. This past weekend I spoke about how little sense God makes to me while speaking at a women's ministry event in Reno. And, ironically, He affirmed the very essence of my talk as soon as I finished speaking. I sat down and I had a moment with Lord in which I acknowledged that perhaps I am not meant to be a speaker. Perhaps I've been mistaken in believing that this was something that God had for my future. I finished speaking and was completely drained, exhausted... and to be perfectly honest, a bit baffled. I felt as though I'd completely failed. It was miserable.
But... to my surprise... God, made sense out of my seemingly senseless talk... and women were met by God during that time. =) Let's take a moment to thank the Lord for moving despite our inadequacies, shall we?
I had women approach me full of emotion and thank me for allowing the Lord to speak through me. Ha! I was amazed. God is so silly! Just when you think you've completely blown it, He arrives and says... "perfection." He takes the areas of our inability and uses them for His glory. What a brilliant twist!
So, I say again... God does not make any sense to me.
I came to seminary a few years ago hoping that within my classes and throughout my lectures, this Holy God might make a little more sense to me. I confess, God makes even less sense to me now then He did before I entered. =) Ah, the beauty.
The crazy thing about God not making sense to me... is that you know... we don't really make sense to God. See... He loves us in such a ridiculous manner that it does not make any sense to Him why we would choose something other than Him. Or... choose to reject Him altogether. In Jeremiah 2:12-13... He commands the heavens to be appalled... the angels are silenced as they whisper in shock that humanity has chosen something over Divinity in which to satisfy themselves.
Ironic, yes? That God looks down at humanity and shakes His head in wonder and amazement that we would choose to reject Him because ... well... He doesn't quite make sense to us.
I think if the Gospel made sense to us, we'd share it.
I think if the Bible made sense to us, we'd read it.
I think if God made sense to us... well, we'd never look to anything else to satisfy us.
But, He doesn't make sense... so we place our hope, faith, love in other things that we believe do. And, we miss out on experiencing the perfect loving of our souls.
And the heavens are appalled.
So, regardless of if He makes sense to you... perhaps you're simply meant to step out in faith and with obedience first... and then, the more you trust, the more you'll know Him... and then... well, maybe then Divinity might start making sense to humanity. =)
And then maybe the heavens would not have reason to sit in shock... but instead, they'd rejoice in celebration.
None whatsoever. He is beyond, He is other... He is completely uncommon. This past weekend I spoke about how little sense God makes to me while speaking at a women's ministry event in Reno. And, ironically, He affirmed the very essence of my talk as soon as I finished speaking. I sat down and I had a moment with Lord in which I acknowledged that perhaps I am not meant to be a speaker. Perhaps I've been mistaken in believing that this was something that God had for my future. I finished speaking and was completely drained, exhausted... and to be perfectly honest, a bit baffled. I felt as though I'd completely failed. It was miserable.
But... to my surprise... God, made sense out of my seemingly senseless talk... and women were met by God during that time. =) Let's take a moment to thank the Lord for moving despite our inadequacies, shall we?
I had women approach me full of emotion and thank me for allowing the Lord to speak through me. Ha! I was amazed. God is so silly! Just when you think you've completely blown it, He arrives and says... "perfection." He takes the areas of our inability and uses them for His glory. What a brilliant twist!
So, I say again... God does not make any sense to me.
I came to seminary a few years ago hoping that within my classes and throughout my lectures, this Holy God might make a little more sense to me. I confess, God makes even less sense to me now then He did before I entered. =) Ah, the beauty.
The crazy thing about God not making sense to me... is that you know... we don't really make sense to God. See... He loves us in such a ridiculous manner that it does not make any sense to Him why we would choose something other than Him. Or... choose to reject Him altogether. In Jeremiah 2:12-13... He commands the heavens to be appalled... the angels are silenced as they whisper in shock that humanity has chosen something over Divinity in which to satisfy themselves.
Ironic, yes? That God looks down at humanity and shakes His head in wonder and amazement that we would choose to reject Him because ... well... He doesn't quite make sense to us.
I think if the Gospel made sense to us, we'd share it.
I think if the Bible made sense to us, we'd read it.
I think if God made sense to us... well, we'd never look to anything else to satisfy us.
But, He doesn't make sense... so we place our hope, faith, love in other things that we believe do. And, we miss out on experiencing the perfect loving of our souls.
And the heavens are appalled.
So, regardless of if He makes sense to you... perhaps you're simply meant to step out in faith and with obedience first... and then, the more you trust, the more you'll know Him... and then... well, maybe then Divinity might start making sense to humanity. =)
And then maybe the heavens would not have reason to sit in shock... but instead, they'd rejoice in celebration.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
restitution
the idea of restitution is lost in our church today.
restitution: the act of restoring to the rightful owner something that has been taken away, lost, or surrendered.
the idea of "payback" is not something we in the church think often of. we think Jesus paid the price for sin, and we simply get to sit under His grace and that is the end of our responsibility. but, i must push further and stress the importance of seeking restitution when longing for restoration.
it is one thing to confess (which is commanded), another to ask for forgiveness (also commanded), and quite another to allow/receive healing and experience complete restoration (i believe that often comes through restitution).
we need to be people who set the record straight... who go above and beyond in trying to live at peace with all people. we need to be people who strive to bring about healing. and this is done by giving back.
it looks like working to regain trust, rebuild relationship, and restore respect. this is not done with a simple and heartfelt "i'm sorry"... it's done with an understanding of the ethical responsibility we have to set things right. of course, i believe this is done with the help of Christ, but i think we do our faith injustice when we simply demand God's grace and fail to step up to the plate.
please don't hear me taking anything away from Christ's work on the cross... it was perfect and complete in every way. but, the responsibility of the believer is to imitate our Savior... and when living in a broken relationship, the call is to breathe grace through restitution. the "i'm sorry" means a lot more with a little backbone to it.
=)
restitution: the act of restoring to the rightful owner something that has been taken away, lost, or surrendered.
the idea of "payback" is not something we in the church think often of. we think Jesus paid the price for sin, and we simply get to sit under His grace and that is the end of our responsibility. but, i must push further and stress the importance of seeking restitution when longing for restoration.
it is one thing to confess (which is commanded), another to ask for forgiveness (also commanded), and quite another to allow/receive healing and experience complete restoration (i believe that often comes through restitution).
we need to be people who set the record straight... who go above and beyond in trying to live at peace with all people. we need to be people who strive to bring about healing. and this is done by giving back.
it looks like working to regain trust, rebuild relationship, and restore respect. this is not done with a simple and heartfelt "i'm sorry"... it's done with an understanding of the ethical responsibility we have to set things right. of course, i believe this is done with the help of Christ, but i think we do our faith injustice when we simply demand God's grace and fail to step up to the plate.
please don't hear me taking anything away from Christ's work on the cross... it was perfect and complete in every way. but, the responsibility of the believer is to imitate our Savior... and when living in a broken relationship, the call is to breathe grace through restitution. the "i'm sorry" means a lot more with a little backbone to it.
=)
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
cleansing
during my first year of seminary, there was a ridiculous amount of rain that poured down on campus. it was never-ending. it just rained and rained and rained... i remember being so sick of the rain. and yet... i also remember really enjoying the moments curled up in front of the balcony windows, sipping some coffee, and studying some theology. i like being wrapped up in a blanket, thankful to be indoors... the rain made me appreciate the warmth. so, sure... i could spend a bit of time writing about the value of "storms" and the importance of "trials"... and how without the rain, there is no produce, no crop.. no fruit. but, that is not where i'm heading. =)
rain.
i long for it. in fact, currently i'd say i am desperate for it. i so crave a season of cleansing. a season of rain washing over me. and yet, the rain is not coming, the cleansing is not happening... instead, i am in a drought.
silly droughts.
and the thing about God, and the thing about droughts, and the thing about lacking rain... is that usually, it's our fault. =) like my perspective has ever so slightly been shifted back to me... my life... my issues... my desires... and i have lost sight of the One who breathes grace.
"rain come down, come and heal these sores and wash them clean, come and heal my soul. rain come quickly... come and ease this fire. rain silence me... " brie stoner
so, today.. i am praying for rain.
rain.
i long for it. in fact, currently i'd say i am desperate for it. i so crave a season of cleansing. a season of rain washing over me. and yet, the rain is not coming, the cleansing is not happening... instead, i am in a drought.
silly droughts.
and the thing about God, and the thing about droughts, and the thing about lacking rain... is that usually, it's our fault. =) like my perspective has ever so slightly been shifted back to me... my life... my issues... my desires... and i have lost sight of the One who breathes grace.
"rain come down, come and heal these sores and wash them clean, come and heal my soul. rain come quickly... come and ease this fire. rain silence me... " brie stoner
so, today.. i am praying for rain.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
one above the other
this thought has been rattling around in my head, and as i sat with my good friend sammie and discussed the beauty of our Creator last night... i decided it needed to be written. the thought that has me contemplating is this, "we are to desire obedience more than we are to depend on grace." what i mean by this ... is that far too many people have forsaken a pursuit of holiness. they have given up on striving to give God everything. they have settled for this "act now, pray later" kind of mentality which gives themselves the right to do whatever they want and assume God's grace. but, what gives us the right to demand grace? if it is demanded, it ceases to be grace and it becomes something other. right?
but... if we were people that sought to be holy, that lived life in sheer obedience to His call... then we would discover a life of faith that is beyond our expectations. yet, when we depend on God's grace... we lose sight of His commands, His character... His very essence... and we lose. we lose big.
don't get me wrong... i live under grace. and i thank God that it is by grace i have been saved... but, what i am talking about is the apathetic lifestyle that so much of the church has settled in. there is this blanket of complacency... it's simply smothering the road toward holiness.
so, as sammie and i reflected on the spiritual state in the Greater Bay Area ... it dawned on us that perhaps the church is resting in assumed grace instead of suiting up and pursuing holiness.
so... are you striving after holiness today? or simply making an assumption that it's God's will to allow you to sin just so that He can prove His graciousness? hmmm... He has nothing to prove, nor should He ever have to. =)
but... if we were people that sought to be holy, that lived life in sheer obedience to His call... then we would discover a life of faith that is beyond our expectations. yet, when we depend on God's grace... we lose sight of His commands, His character... His very essence... and we lose. we lose big.
don't get me wrong... i live under grace. and i thank God that it is by grace i have been saved... but, what i am talking about is the apathetic lifestyle that so much of the church has settled in. there is this blanket of complacency... it's simply smothering the road toward holiness.
so, as sammie and i reflected on the spiritual state in the Greater Bay Area ... it dawned on us that perhaps the church is resting in assumed grace instead of suiting up and pursuing holiness.
so... are you striving after holiness today? or simply making an assumption that it's God's will to allow you to sin just so that He can prove His graciousness? hmmm... He has nothing to prove, nor should He ever have to. =)
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
driven.
i remember my pastor told me years ago that i needed to set goals for my life.
i remember my teachers discussing my goals for my future while i was in high school.
i remember my mom asking me what kind of goals i had set for myself regarding those infamous "when i grow up" days.
i remember never really giving anyone the same answer... just whatever they expected or i thought they wanted to hear.
and then it hit me... about two weeks ago... i've achieved all my goals.
sounds good, right? hmmm... not so much. =)
for 25 years i have been one driven individual... passionately pursuing all the things i felt i needed to, wanted to, or felt called to.
and here i sit... resting in transition... and goal-less.
what's next for me?
i have no idea... but i am content in knowing that God is fully aware of my future and has plenty of goals just waiting for me to set. =) it brings peace knowing someone else is directing my steps. without knowledge of His plan for me... i think i'd be a bit more restless.
so, i am excited to see what lies in the next few months as God prepares for me for my next season of goal setting, and goal acheiving.
i remember my dad telling me that the majority of climbing accidents happen on the descent, not on the ascent. Climbers work dilligently and in a disciplined manner to acheive their goal at the top of the mountain, but on the way back down the hill... they relax, let go... and often fall.
my prayer is that as i descend down this mountain top that i have spent years working towards... that i would not cease to be driven, nor would i lack in discipline... but that i would be all the more ready to see what God has planned for the next mountain needing to be clinbed. =)
i remember my teachers discussing my goals for my future while i was in high school.
i remember my mom asking me what kind of goals i had set for myself regarding those infamous "when i grow up" days.
i remember never really giving anyone the same answer... just whatever they expected or i thought they wanted to hear.
and then it hit me... about two weeks ago... i've achieved all my goals.
sounds good, right? hmmm... not so much. =)
for 25 years i have been one driven individual... passionately pursuing all the things i felt i needed to, wanted to, or felt called to.
and here i sit... resting in transition... and goal-less.
what's next for me?
i have no idea... but i am content in knowing that God is fully aware of my future and has plenty of goals just waiting for me to set. =) it brings peace knowing someone else is directing my steps. without knowledge of His plan for me... i think i'd be a bit more restless.
so, i am excited to see what lies in the next few months as God prepares for me for my next season of goal setting, and goal acheiving.
i remember my dad telling me that the majority of climbing accidents happen on the descent, not on the ascent. Climbers work dilligently and in a disciplined manner to acheive their goal at the top of the mountain, but on the way back down the hill... they relax, let go... and often fall.
my prayer is that as i descend down this mountain top that i have spent years working towards... that i would not cease to be driven, nor would i lack in discipline... but that i would be all the more ready to see what God has planned for the next mountain needing to be clinbed. =)
Friday, September 12, 2008
lacking
i have found myself lacking in words. i have been unable to write... unable to really process effectively through much of what God is doing in my life. it's been a bit of an overwhelming season. returning from africa has been an adjustment, though i spent less than two weeks there. i was transformed by the experiences i had there and thus, it's changed the person i thought i was.
it's a funny thing to feel speechless. it's a shock to most of my family and friends, as i am a talker. =) however... i have found myself silenced, sobered... fairly somber.... and honestly, a bit sad recently. very lost within my thoughts, hidden behind my struggles, and quiet in my pursuit of what is next for me.
all this to say... there are seasons for all things. yet, in "season" and out of "season" we are to be ready to serve our God. may i not be so introspective, completely self-reflective, that i lose sight of being other-minded and seeking to live for something beyond myself.
i'll close with this... in proverbs 1, there is this passage of lady wisdom calling in the streets, and yet there are simple ones, scoffers, and fools who choose to reject her words. they fail to respond to the kingdom's call... and they find themselves left wanting, left longing, left searching. but to those who receive wisdom, they find peace... they find... wisdom.
so, though i am lacking in words... i am confident that God is faithful to lead me in wisdom. i'll take wisdom over words any day. =)
it's a funny thing to feel speechless. it's a shock to most of my family and friends, as i am a talker. =) however... i have found myself silenced, sobered... fairly somber.... and honestly, a bit sad recently. very lost within my thoughts, hidden behind my struggles, and quiet in my pursuit of what is next for me.
all this to say... there are seasons for all things. yet, in "season" and out of "season" we are to be ready to serve our God. may i not be so introspective, completely self-reflective, that i lose sight of being other-minded and seeking to live for something beyond myself.
i'll close with this... in proverbs 1, there is this passage of lady wisdom calling in the streets, and yet there are simple ones, scoffers, and fools who choose to reject her words. they fail to respond to the kingdom's call... and they find themselves left wanting, left longing, left searching. but to those who receive wisdom, they find peace... they find... wisdom.
so, though i am lacking in words... i am confident that God is faithful to lead me in wisdom. i'll take wisdom over words any day. =)
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
rise up.
there is a concept that keeps rattling around in my soul. it's this question we ask often... it's the "God, where are you?" question that we ask when things are hard, when they seem dark, and when God seems distant. it's the question that breeds doubt in us concerning our Creator... it's the question that inevitably finds it's way to the surface of our hearts when we learn of poverty, see starving children, discover atrocities around the world. and so recently..... i came before the Lord and asked Him simply... "God... where are you?" ... as so many of us do.
His repsonse, ever so gently, was this:
"Rebecca... where are you?"
Eeeek.
As believers, we're it. We're meant to be setting the captives free, binding up the broken-hearted... we're meant to be feeding the starving, clothing the naked, and offering shelter to the homeless. instead, i find myself sitting in my comfort and convincing myself that others are "called" and others will "go" and others are more "servant hearted" and so i sit. and i question.
ironically, in the midst of serving others, God reveals Himself to me and there becomes no room for questions. it's evident in the moment you're down on your knees holding a small broken child, or painting the face of a elderly man in a nursing home just to make him smile, or taking a moment to lay self down to help others ... that God is real. that He is here. that He is moving. i think i miss God everyday because i am so wrapped up in my world. ah, to fix my eyes on Jesus and see Him reveal Himself to the lonely, the outcast, the sorrowful through me.
as believers, He asks that we be like Him. that we go... that we serve... that we lay self down. i keep coming back to the idea that love that isn't sacrificial isn't love at all. that being said... in this day, as God asks me the question, "Rebecca, where are you?" ... i find myself anxious to rise up, to stand firm, hold my ground, and say... "here... i'm here, God... use me."
may our faith be visable... may people know God exists because they encounter His love for them through our lives. Christians do a lot of things wrong... and this is one thing we cannot continue to mess up in... =) we've got to get loving people right! we've got to stop preaching a message while failing to live it in our actions. the world is missing Christ because we aren't showing up.
so... here's to showing up. to living faith. to God revealing His love for the world in us.
will you serve?
His repsonse, ever so gently, was this:
"Rebecca... where are you?"
Eeeek.
As believers, we're it. We're meant to be setting the captives free, binding up the broken-hearted... we're meant to be feeding the starving, clothing the naked, and offering shelter to the homeless. instead, i find myself sitting in my comfort and convincing myself that others are "called" and others will "go" and others are more "servant hearted" and so i sit. and i question.
ironically, in the midst of serving others, God reveals Himself to me and there becomes no room for questions. it's evident in the moment you're down on your knees holding a small broken child, or painting the face of a elderly man in a nursing home just to make him smile, or taking a moment to lay self down to help others ... that God is real. that He is here. that He is moving. i think i miss God everyday because i am so wrapped up in my world. ah, to fix my eyes on Jesus and see Him reveal Himself to the lonely, the outcast, the sorrowful through me.
as believers, He asks that we be like Him. that we go... that we serve... that we lay self down. i keep coming back to the idea that love that isn't sacrificial isn't love at all. that being said... in this day, as God asks me the question, "Rebecca, where are you?" ... i find myself anxious to rise up, to stand firm, hold my ground, and say... "here... i'm here, God... use me."
may our faith be visable... may people know God exists because they encounter His love for them through our lives. Christians do a lot of things wrong... and this is one thing we cannot continue to mess up in... =) we've got to get loving people right! we've got to stop preaching a message while failing to live it in our actions. the world is missing Christ because we aren't showing up.
so... here's to showing up. to living faith. to God revealing His love for the world in us.
will you serve?
Monday, July 28, 2008
encounter.
so... camp is coming. =)
i LOVE high school camp. there is something enchanting about it. we leave next monday and i am already getting so excited. i am excited about the dress-up safari night, the talent show night, the late night talks with the girls in my cabin... and just the ridiculous moments of laughter i know await me.
it could also be that camp is where my life was changed 10 years ago.
when i was fifteen, i went to jenness park and experienced "centrifuge" camp for the first time. it was there i chose to follow Jesus for the first time. who knew that such a decision would directly impact every moment of the rest of my life? it was by far the most important decision i've ever made. and i have no regrets. =)
the best part: now get to take high school students to that same place each summer. and in less than a week, i will get to sit in the very place that God Himself first spoke to me. so, yep... pretty excited about that.
more importantly than me... =) i am anticipating God to speak to the students i am taking with me. i am expecting His Divinity to breathe life into their humanity and for some of them to experience the beauty that is Christ for the first time. this... this is ministry... and this is why i love it.
so... here's to camp and seeing lives changed. here's to re-visiting the place i gave my life to Jesus. here's to being there as students engage Holy God face-to-face and being reminded of who i was... and who i now am... due to that very same encounter.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
hellenists and hebrews
i haven't had much to say. i know... it's a miracle. =) but, my mind has been so overwhelmed with thoughts of what lies ahead and of visions of africa. it's been hard to think about how to clearly communicate anything effectively at all. but... today i will attempt to being writing again.
last night i spoke with my high school students about division/unity within the church. we looked into the book of Acts and were able to spend some time discussing the early church and their issues with division.
in acts, we see two types of believers mentioned. one, the Hebrews, are believers coming from the Jewish line. they adhere to Jewish tradition, customs, language, and culture. the other, the Hellenists, are Gentiles, saved beneath the traditions and culture of the Greeks. and there is division. in fact, we read in acts 6:1 that the Hellenists are a bit upset that the church is neglecting "their widows" in the daily food distribution. well, here is where it gets interesting.
if you look at the 12 apostles... they are all Hebrew names. these 12 men... the leaders of the early church all come from one side of the fence, if you will. and the Hellenists are a bit disturbed. so... the apostles... the 12... the Hebrews... choose among them 7 men to appoint as administrators in the early church. this is done so that no one would be neglected.
but the 12 do something very intentional. the 7 they appoint are all Hellenists. not one of them is Jewish in background. reading through acts 6 you can see each name is greek. very clever. =) and also a very intentional way to bring about equality and unity within the church. they were wise in seeking to bridge the gap. i love it.
interestingly enough.... as you read further, stephen (one of the 7 Hellenists appointed as administrators), ends up before the Jewish council and ends up being stoned (acts 7). and yet, peter and john(Hebrews of course) end up before the same council and end up being freed (acts 4). the division continues.
both before the same court, both adhering to the same testimony, both proclaiming to the same witness... Jesus is Lord... one is freed, the other is stoned.
ah, can you imagine belivers in the early church? they must have seen that there was a line. if you were Hebrew, you were somehow better, more holy... chosen. if just a Gentile... well....
and here Jesus prayed so specifically, so intensely, that we would be united and unified (john 17).
that we might seek to live lives beyond oursleves and seek to honor Christ by living at peace with one another... that will be our finest hour.
during the last supper, Jesus told His disciples that the greatest commandment was for them to love one another. He was speaking to believers. He was in a room, sharing a meal with His closest friends and telling them to love one another. This is the Gospel. Oftentimes, we find it incredibly easy to love the lost... but fail at loving those within the church.
hmmm... i wonder at Jesus' repsonse to our behavior. it must be gracious.
last night i spoke with my high school students about division/unity within the church. we looked into the book of Acts and were able to spend some time discussing the early church and their issues with division.
in acts, we see two types of believers mentioned. one, the Hebrews, are believers coming from the Jewish line. they adhere to Jewish tradition, customs, language, and culture. the other, the Hellenists, are Gentiles, saved beneath the traditions and culture of the Greeks. and there is division. in fact, we read in acts 6:1 that the Hellenists are a bit upset that the church is neglecting "their widows" in the daily food distribution. well, here is where it gets interesting.
if you look at the 12 apostles... they are all Hebrew names. these 12 men... the leaders of the early church all come from one side of the fence, if you will. and the Hellenists are a bit disturbed. so... the apostles... the 12... the Hebrews... choose among them 7 men to appoint as administrators in the early church. this is done so that no one would be neglected.
but the 12 do something very intentional. the 7 they appoint are all Hellenists. not one of them is Jewish in background. reading through acts 6 you can see each name is greek. very clever. =) and also a very intentional way to bring about equality and unity within the church. they were wise in seeking to bridge the gap. i love it.
interestingly enough.... as you read further, stephen (one of the 7 Hellenists appointed as administrators), ends up before the Jewish council and ends up being stoned (acts 7). and yet, peter and john(Hebrews of course) end up before the same council and end up being freed (acts 4). the division continues.
both before the same court, both adhering to the same testimony, both proclaiming to the same witness... Jesus is Lord... one is freed, the other is stoned.
ah, can you imagine belivers in the early church? they must have seen that there was a line. if you were Hebrew, you were somehow better, more holy... chosen. if just a Gentile... well....
and here Jesus prayed so specifically, so intensely, that we would be united and unified (john 17).
that we might seek to live lives beyond oursleves and seek to honor Christ by living at peace with one another... that will be our finest hour.
during the last supper, Jesus told His disciples that the greatest commandment was for them to love one another. He was speaking to believers. He was in a room, sharing a meal with His closest friends and telling them to love one another. This is the Gospel. Oftentimes, we find it incredibly easy to love the lost... but fail at loving those within the church.
hmmm... i wonder at Jesus' repsonse to our behavior. it must be gracious.
Friday, July 18, 2008
hidden Divinity
it's one thing to look at a picture, or hear a story. you're able to connect, at least on some level, with your senses. whether it be your eyes seeing something beyond comprehension, or your hand touching something unfamiliar, or uncomfortable. however, the remarkable happens... no the Divine happens... when one is able to fully engage in something with all five of their senses. this was africa to me. my senses were on overload, if you will. i saw things i never imagined, i felt the tiny hands of a baby orphan and had the tears of a widowed woman dying of AIDS fall down my neck... i tasted the culture and enjoyed the hospitality or a beautiful people, i smelled differences in appearance and in hygene and heard the laughter of contentment, the voices of children singing, "wel-o-come to our visitors..." and i was captivated.
to be perfectly honest... i do not easily adapt. though raised in a family that traveled... i think that change is something i have grown to dislike. =) on each of my previous mission trips, i had a moment of intense culture shock in which i adampantly longed to find myself in the conforts of home. however, this was not the case in uganda. i felt safe, comfortable, and content. i loved the dirt, the chaos, the bright colors, and curious glances. i loved the dancing, the hugging, the immense joy that exuded from even the loneliest soul. i treasured the prayers, and was amazed at the talent... and was so broken to leave. though happy to be home... a piece of me truly was left in the little village of iganga and with the people of wiraika.
as i settle into reverse culture shock, i am amazed that it was all real. it already appears as a snapshot in my mind. i write this to say that this mission trip is not over. i cannot stay silent about the things i have seen, what i have heard, the strange things i smelled, the tastes of africa left still in my mouth, and the touch of the widows and orphans.... and so i remind you... that religion that is pure... is to visit widows and orphans. this is the way to impact the Kingdom. to live the Gospel... to read the Bible and to actually do what it says. what hidden Divinity is found there.
you'll hear more. =) i cannot go back to who i was before this trip... as that perspective has been shattered. so gear up... i've got something to say... and i won't stop sharing. =)
to be perfectly honest... i do not easily adapt. though raised in a family that traveled... i think that change is something i have grown to dislike. =) on each of my previous mission trips, i had a moment of intense culture shock in which i adampantly longed to find myself in the conforts of home. however, this was not the case in uganda. i felt safe, comfortable, and content. i loved the dirt, the chaos, the bright colors, and curious glances. i loved the dancing, the hugging, the immense joy that exuded from even the loneliest soul. i treasured the prayers, and was amazed at the talent... and was so broken to leave. though happy to be home... a piece of me truly was left in the little village of iganga and with the people of wiraika.
as i settle into reverse culture shock, i am amazed that it was all real. it already appears as a snapshot in my mind. i write this to say that this mission trip is not over. i cannot stay silent about the things i have seen, what i have heard, the strange things i smelled, the tastes of africa left still in my mouth, and the touch of the widows and orphans.... and so i remind you... that religion that is pure... is to visit widows and orphans. this is the way to impact the Kingdom. to live the Gospel... to read the Bible and to actually do what it says. what hidden Divinity is found there.
you'll hear more. =) i cannot go back to who i was before this trip... as that perspective has been shattered. so gear up... i've got something to say... and i won't stop sharing. =)
Thursday, July 3, 2008
draw deeply
karis. sweet karis. =)
i am constantly being reminded this week about the necessity of drawing deeply upon God's grace. it is essential to living a life in which my soul is rested. i profess with confidence that there is a vast difference between simply resting and soul resting. anyone can take a nap... and yes, a nap is sometimes exactly what one needs!!! and yet, you can take all the naps in the world and never find rest for your soul. that can only be done by sitting with the Father... =) and... drawing upon the grace He so readily offers. that in itself makes God worthy of praise.
this week, i've been speaking with my high schoolers about the ministry of reconciliation. ah, how they have struggled with the call God has given them as ministers. =) they are sweet in their pursuit of understanding and can become so frustrated at their lack of ability to fulfill some of these seemingly lofty commands. again... we must draw deeply on his grace. last night as we opened His Word... we read in 2 Corinthians 5 that God has given us this "ministry of reconciliation" and He defines it as "not counting men's sins against them." when stacy brought this passage to my attention this week, i was reminded of the insane call to live life "other," to live life "different," to live life "set apart," in effort to live the Gospel and proclaim it to the nations. and then... as i brought the same passage before my students.... well... we wrestled.
God is "other"... He is "uncommon"... and how desperately we want to know Him and so we are in this constant battle to try and conform Him to our worlds, our ways, our common molds... and He simply will never fit there. instead... He says.... come to me... and i will give you rest. He says... draw deeply upon my grace and you'll experience me. and then... as an overflow... it will become your joy to be ministers of this Gospel... of this "other-ness."
so, to my students...
you are in Christ. His grace is presently available for you to draw deeply upon. i have seen you live the Gospel in very intentional ways. now... go... and seek to be obedient to this charge in 2 corinthians. seek to become a minister of reconciliation. cling to the promise that He is with you... and as you go... choose to not count men's sins against you. oh, i know how diffifult it is! trust that i know the struggle! but... what i see in you is Him. pure and simple, you've chosen to live "other" to live "uncommon"... so may your thoughts, your actions, your attitude, and your words seek to be aligned with the way you've chosen to live your life. be people who breathe grace.
and draw deeply.
i love you. =)
i am constantly being reminded this week about the necessity of drawing deeply upon God's grace. it is essential to living a life in which my soul is rested. i profess with confidence that there is a vast difference between simply resting and soul resting. anyone can take a nap... and yes, a nap is sometimes exactly what one needs!!! and yet, you can take all the naps in the world and never find rest for your soul. that can only be done by sitting with the Father... =) and... drawing upon the grace He so readily offers. that in itself makes God worthy of praise.
this week, i've been speaking with my high schoolers about the ministry of reconciliation. ah, how they have struggled with the call God has given them as ministers. =) they are sweet in their pursuit of understanding and can become so frustrated at their lack of ability to fulfill some of these seemingly lofty commands. again... we must draw deeply on his grace. last night as we opened His Word... we read in 2 Corinthians 5 that God has given us this "ministry of reconciliation" and He defines it as "not counting men's sins against them." when stacy brought this passage to my attention this week, i was reminded of the insane call to live life "other," to live life "different," to live life "set apart," in effort to live the Gospel and proclaim it to the nations. and then... as i brought the same passage before my students.... well... we wrestled.
God is "other"... He is "uncommon"... and how desperately we want to know Him and so we are in this constant battle to try and conform Him to our worlds, our ways, our common molds... and He simply will never fit there. instead... He says.... come to me... and i will give you rest. He says... draw deeply upon my grace and you'll experience me. and then... as an overflow... it will become your joy to be ministers of this Gospel... of this "other-ness."
so, to my students...
you are in Christ. His grace is presently available for you to draw deeply upon. i have seen you live the Gospel in very intentional ways. now... go... and seek to be obedient to this charge in 2 corinthians. seek to become a minister of reconciliation. cling to the promise that He is with you... and as you go... choose to not count men's sins against you. oh, i know how diffifult it is! trust that i know the struggle! but... what i see in you is Him. pure and simple, you've chosen to live "other" to live "uncommon"... so may your thoughts, your actions, your attitude, and your words seek to be aligned with the way you've chosen to live your life. be people who breathe grace.
and draw deeply.
i love you. =)
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